Coping with a partners affair
The last post of 2024. As the year comes to a close I bring gratitude to a splendid year in clinic. My adoration of psychoanalysis was extended to include couple therapy training. Theory is essential as psychology is a science however relational aspect of psychologist and client is the key too. Thanking those who have visited clinic and all professionals who continue supporting me. It is now a little time away from clinic to bring recharge and connection. I hope you enjoy the post. Peace and love, Ashling
As a psychologist, many of my clients have disclosed their partner have had an affair or that they had an affair. I work with many couples who are navigating and processing an affair. If you are someone who has found out if your partner has had an affair be that recently, last year or a few years ago then this article might be helpful for you.
Coping with the Initial Shock
Finding out that your partner has had an affair can feel like a punch to the gut. The sense of betrayal and disbelief can be overwhelming, leaving you feeling lost and alone. It is important to give yourself permission to feel all of the emotions that come up, whether it’s anger, sadness, or confusion. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can help you process your feelings and gain a new perspective on the situation. Many times ‘old emotional wounds’ come to the surface and are reopened e.g. abandonment wound, sense of not feeling good enough and rage.
Understanding the Reasons Behind the Affair
It can be tempting to blame yourself for your partner’s infidelity, but it’s important to remember that their decision to cheat is ultimately their responsibility. Too often the ‘other person’ is blamed when it is your partner who cheated. Often, affairs happen because there are underlying issues in the relationship that have not been addressed. It’s crucial to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about why the affair happened and what needs to change moving forward if you decide to work on the relationship.
Rebuilding Trust and Moving Forward
Rebuilding trust after an affair is a long and challenging process that requires both partners to be committed to healing the relationship. This may involve setting new boundaries, seeking couples therapy, and working on communication and intimacy. It’s also important to take care of yourself during this time by practicing self-care, setting boundaries, and seeking support from loved ones.
Seeking Professional Support
If you are struggling to cope with the aftermath of discovering your partner’s affair, it may be helpful to seek support. This can be individual or as a couple. This can help you process your emotions, work through any unresolved issues, and develop coping strategies for moving forward. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help when you need it. Sometimes the current struggles we deal with in life is compounded by her childhood or reopening previous wounds.
