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From a young age we all have been conditioned by our culture and family system. Some of us will be conditioned to help others, say thank you and please and much of our tastes, thoughts and feelings are based upon this.As adults we have various roles and wear to an extent a mask. In clinic I speak a lot about private vs public face. This is rather healthy to a degree. There is a private face we keep to those that we trust well. And a public face perhaps for strangers and perhaps even our job. However the problem is that the public face, if too different from the private face, or we can’t be ourselves can trigger a wide range of emotions. And what happens if we don’t have support from others for the private face and keep so much tucked up inside? We can feel lonely, isolated, misunderstood anxiety, possibly disowning a wide range of our self when in company with others.What’s the positive of masks? To a degree a mask helps in keeping us all safe, protection for the inner child within each of us. Perhaps there’s a fear of rejection and abandonment, hence the mask supporting performance to please others. The development of self is rather complex and we are influenced by those around us, in particular our early years. Some people have swallowed words from others, perhaps from yesterday’s and now believes this is to be true and impacting on interactions with others and the relationship with self.The wearing of masks is nothing new and not something I’ve created. Carl Jung describes masks differently. He speaks about the public face as someone completely differently from who we really are. This can take the form of people pleasing or adjusting to our environment. This is not entirely negative, e.g. changing how we communicate to be in line of the receiver can be enhancing however if we are masking or hiding parts of our self to fit in then this can may have an impact.

So why do we mask?

There are many reasons and it’s rather complex the sense of self, layered. We might do it to conform to social pressures. It might stem from childhood e.g. parents of authoritarian nature, bullying. Masking can also be related to maintaining performative behaviours to align with work, family and societal culture.

Ways to bring about change

- explore with curiosity how you be around certain people. Are there people who you feel safer to be yourself around? What qualities do these people have?

- become aware of your inner voice? Is your critical inner voice loud? Do you compare yourself with others unfavourably?

- be aware of who you follow on social media. Social media can be amazing in regards information sharing but it is not a true reflection of real life. A picture is simply that a picture and never shows the full story.

- are there areas in your past that you have to make peace with? Emotional wounds that are playing out in the here and now.

- do your masks protect you from rejection or abandonment? Are you abandoning yourself in the process? Make a list of the benefits and limitations of a mask. How does it hold you back from reaching your contentment.